Thursday, December 31, 2009

Hope Does Not Disappoint - New Year's Eve!

The end of a year invites retrospection, while the beginning of a new one brings introspection, doesn't it?

It's nearly impossible to avoid wondering what might happen in a new year: more good than bad, good tempered by unfathomable bad, or an even mix of life. (Note that I, even as an optimist, cannot bring myself to list an option of only good, believing it an impossibility.)

This year I hope for more highs than what occurred 2009 but to have the highs accented by appropriate times of stress - the kind of stress that helps you appreciate life's moments of bliss and motivates you to keep moving forward – because forward is the only acceptable direction to move, isn't it?

Now for a vlog warning:
I couldn't resist capturing the raw emotion I feel today; I hope I don't regret sharing it with you.

I continue to believe there is value in sharing the perspective of someone living an altered existence: life as the parent of a child living with disabilities. It's not how I am defined (at least I sure hope not), but it's often the most dominant piece of my life's puzzle. I offer today's perspective as a token of solidarity (if you also live such an existence) or as a petition for understanding (if you've ever wondered what it might feel like). I don't think there's a middle position.

As for what you'll see on screen: My sentences are often incomplete. It's pretty much how my thoughts are these days. They are what they are, just as my life today is what it is.

Happy New Year! May you carry hope that does not disappoint into each day of your 2010.


KaKi said...

The thing I have always loved about you, Joy, is your authenticity. Thank you for not hiding the hard parts of parenting a child with special needs. I don't know any part of what you are facing, but I now feel I understand a little bit better the pressures. With your honesty. With your honesty, others can understand a tiny bit and help you in the fight. The fight for better options, the fight for better insurance. I love you, sister. I'm here.

Joy said...

Thank you, KaKi. I do appreciate it. I abhor the idea that some might interpret this as complaining about my life or soliciting pity. I crave authenticity in others and desire to share it myself. Navigating social media ... I hope I do it OK. Like I said, the first thing I taped I thought better of. Also, I hope there are others feeling similar pressure who find this and feel some solidarity. It's important to not feel alone. Thanks for being there. Recently I've wondered if the strongest foundation for understanding might begin with those who "knew you when" and have watched your life unfold. Those who "join the program already in process" have a harder time connecting with the dynamics.

That's why I was compelled to write Involuntary Joy in the first place I guess. It captures that moment - those years - when we began to travel what we believed to be an unavoidable fork in our life's road for the sake of our son.

No regrets. Just a need to keep re-fueling for our journey.

Thanks for traveling alongside.

KaKi said...

I think that is why I find fb so compelling. Reconnecting with people who knew me then. Having them know me now, they get it. They know what I have been through, how far I've come.

You did not elicit pity from me....just awe at your honesty.
Love you,