"Hey, Can We Talk?" Thanks, WCLT, for Doing Just That

On Thursday, April 22, I was the featured speaker at an all-school assembly for WCLT High School (Woden-Crystal Lake-Titonka). The invitation came after several factors fell into alignment:

1) Students from W-CL-T heard me speak about writing Involuntary Joy during a presentation in an English class at Waldorf College.

2) The students were also taking Miss Sara Blaser's Contemporary Issues class at WCLT High School. When Miss Blaser allowed the class to choose a book to read for discussion, they asked for permission to read Involuntary Joy.

3) The class read the book and used its content for discussions about parenting, motherhood, birth defects, raising children with disabilities, working mothers, and more.

4) Meanwhile, Lisa Pleggenkuhle Grummer, who attended the same high school I did, was regularly substituting at WCLT. She read Involuntary Joy at about the same time as the class, and she invited me to lunch in her home for our own time of sharing. In fact, you may have met her in a previous blog.

5) Lisa suggested that Miss Blaser invite me to come speak to WCLT's Contemporary Issues class or even to students in the Biology and Anatomy classes. Lisa even wondered about the possibility of having an all-school assembly.

6) Principal Ken Kasper and Miss Blaser agreed that there were a lot of topics addressed in the book that could be enlightening for all the students, and so, I accepted their kind invitation to present an all-school assembly.

Today's vlog features outtakes from our time together. This high school (approximately 80 students) is a wonderful piece of living Iowa history, for school consolidations will soon end the days of graduating classes numbering less than 100. In fact, the school boards of Woden-Crystal Lake and Titonka recently voted to explore whole grade sharing with neighboring districts, and in coming years, students will no longer fill the halls of this current facility.

I felt honored to be standing in the WCLT gymnasium on Thursday (brightly decorated for prom) and talking to a group of young men and women who know full well that much of life is about adapting to change. Like our family, they have learned that you simply take what life hands you and keep moving forward.

To a student, each young man or young woman was courteous and attentive as I shared our family's story - my story. Clearly, each one–on either an academic or intensely personal level–understood that preparing for adulthood means anticipating unforeseen circumstances, whether fortunate or unfortunate, but not allowing them to make you afraid. Heck, many who stayed after to talk to me personally let me know that their lives have already been filled with challenges met or in the process of being met. And they are doing a great job of growing up to be exactly who they are meant to be.

I recognize it has become cliche' to say that children are our future. But, truly, I trust the young men and young women that I spoke to on Thursday to create a new way of living in our world. It is why I was comfortable sharing intensely personal stories. Perhaps hearing a bit of our family's experiences can better prepare them for whatever else life brings their way. Part of my hope is that they become more comfortable with a world where "normal" is defined broadly enough to include all the abnormal situations encountered by families living with and caring for persons whose lives fall outside of "the norm" - whatever that is.

And, yes, Gretchen, Jamie and Miss Blaser. I will still post the vlog we made about Contemporary Issues class. What a wonderful conversation! Thanks for making this all happen.

Motherless Children

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Today hundreds of thousands of students nationwide fell silent. They voluntarily relinquished their right to speak as a way of bringing attention to the abuse suffered by persons born gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered (GLBT).

It was a day dedicated to making the world a safer place for those who are targets of bullying, name calling, harassment, physical confrontation and other forms of abuse.

Yet some feel the day is a trick. A conspiracy to "target" children "in an effort to increase tolerance" for a "behavior" they deem evil. And so they encourage parents to teach their children to set themselves apart, to regard GLBT students – their classmates and peers – as people with whom they should not associate.

In essence, they teach their children to ignore a day that seeks to eliminate bullying.

How can a day dedicated to anti-bullying be wrong?

Statistics consistently show that 9 of 10 students who identify as GLBT are regularly harassed at school. In fact, two of the top three reasons students are harassed at school are actual or even perceived sexual orientation and gender expression.

This day should be seized as an opportunity to show compassion in action – a chance to be love personified for those who need to see that "love your neighbor as yourself" is real.

So what does it mean if children are taught to ignore a day that is dedicated to eliminating abuse?

It means many children continue to feel unloved, not accepted, and not safe.

It means many children continue to be isolated.

It means fear wins when faith is weak.

It means we failed our children.

I hope our children don't lose faith in us - or in the God who created them just as they are.

I hope they know they are not alone.
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Know the plans

In the face of disappointment, some either offer comfort or find comfort in the statement: “God has a plan for you.”

I wonder: Why?

Please note this is a big ‘why.’ A ‘why’ so big that it’s chock-full of other ‘whys’:

• Why would God divinely alter what I assume has been a previously endorsed plan? (Or, if a plan is being altered, does that mean a person has actually been on the wrong plan?)
• Why would God alter a plan without prior notice? (Is God really that spontaneous?)
• Why, if there is some form of prior notice, is it so easily missed? (Certainly God can grab a person’s attention in good and clear ways.)
• Why would God use disappointment as a way to move a child created in God's image toward a new plan? (Doesn’t that make God bad even if the plan is supposedly better?)
• Why can’t God just go with the plan currently in place and simply improve it if necessary? (After all, God IS God.)
• Why does someone else seem to know God’s plan for another person’s life while the one God’s working on seems rather oblivious? (Again, can’t God get someone’s attention whenever and wherever God wants?)

If I had to focus on only one of the whys, it would be this one: Why do we need assurance that God has a specific plan for our lives anyway?

When Mark and I married in May 1986, we chose Jeremiah 29:11 as the central verse for our marriage ceremony. It’s probably the most popular “plan” verse of the Bible: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (NIV)

Idealistic, young lovers with a lifetime of only good things in store, we vowed to share who we were with each other, facing any circumstance life threw our way. We clung to this promise, confident nothing could sidetrack the wonderful plan God had for us individually or as a couple. Believing in a providential plan provided reassurance that we could prevail regardless of what might come.

Then, five years into our marriage “what might” did come. And you know what? We were right about not being sidetracked or overtaken; we continued to prosper, although probably not in the way we understood the hope of prosperity then.

Truthfully, I can’t attest to what we understood then. Who were we in our 20s anyway? We certainly lacked the capacity to look into our future as we know it today. And if we could have seen or even gotten a glimpse of our future, it may have altered how we followed “the plan.” For whoever we were then, we had a much smaller concept of God. We believed there was only one correct plan, and if we missed our opportunity to stay on course, well, we didn’t want to find out what could go wrong.

God was in charge. We just needed to follow.

But you know what? In the process of trying not to misstep, we discovered a prosperity promise even more provocative regarding God’s capacity for hope and a future: The God of the universe is so expansive, it’s impossible to get lost. No matter which direction we step, God is already there. What a relief! That kind of providence is providential, indeed.

Moreover, God’s love is expansive, too, encompassing every child created in God’s image. This all-encompassing love renders God incapable of inflicting pain on those created to reflect the very image of God. This expansive, providential love is personified grace, or God in action.

After 25 years together (one courting, one engaged and 23 married), Mark and I now allow God to surprise us with displays of expansive grace – grace so huge we are able to see God in the midst of some pretty dire circumstances. It’s a grace that begs this question: “Why shy away from prosperity that can intangibly sustain even during times of want?”

Not capable of comprehending the anxiety and hopelessness of exile, we might find it easy to ignore the powerful context of Jeremiah’s words. He was writing to people banished to Babylon, encouraging them to settle down. “Go ahead and do things that might give you roots,” he told them, “Even if you are in a land that’s foreign to you, I’m right here.”

It’s truly a grow-where-you’re-planted message. So why not get comfortable with a more contemporary interpretation of this popular text: “Wherever you go, there you are. And, guess what? God is there too.”

Really. Go ahead. Enjoy life as it happens and wherever it might lead you, for God “knows the plans” not just “the plan.” God is one step ahead of you no matter the direction you’re headed.

Do you have a better plan?

It's a New Year

Ten days into the new year, and I've not yet written a blog entry. I've outlined two or three in my mind, however.

I'm not upset about my lack of initiative. Truly I'm not. Life has just been too full of living.

I'll write soon. Perhaps about how unprepared I was for "Marley and Me" to serve as a mirror of my life. After all, I've never had a pet. (Goldfish don't count.)

Still there I sat in the dark--next to Stross--tears spilling from overfilled eyelids, then trailing onto my cheeks. There was simply no point in holding them back. Had I attempted, I may have broken into a full-bodied sob.

You see, I've learned. When the pain returns, simply let it come. Wash it out, let it flow. Discover what lies beneath.

And I know it had nothing to do with a dog. Marley may have captured my attention, but the husband and wife commandeered my heart. There we were, larger than life and playing to a theatre full of people who were on their own journeys, shedding their own tears. Different stories, similar pain: Idealistic newlyweds. Thrilling careers. Miscarriage. A complex marriage alliance. Children. Overwhelming life. Unselfish choices. Growing older. Growing awareness. Missed opportunities. Under-utilized potential. Hellos. Good-byes.

And there was love. So much love.

Yes. It's a new year. I wonder what's in store.