Thursday, May 13, 2010
Out of Mind
I've been writing this blog all day - just not officially until now. As events of my day have unfolded (bizarre ones at that), I have fashioned sentences in my mind that are much better than anything that has actually tripped forth.
But I failed to type them before they dissipated - vanished - escaped. Whatever. I lost those words and evidently am now at a loss for the best word about losing those words. What I remember about the words I lost is that they helped me make sense of life during the time I entertained them as mine.
Maybe it was all illusion anyway. The whole blasted mess of it.
- What I've been experiencing.
- How I've reacted.
- How I've wanted to react.
- The words.
What I am left with at the end of today is this: I am blessed to know people who extend grace as a currency of friendship.
When I – who seem programmed to become passionate as prompted – launch into an impassioned defense of something that might only make sense to me, they quietly re-inflate my leaky ego. Then, buoyed by the courage that comes from assurance, I slip back into the better parts of myself, ready to face a new version of the day.
And now for random thoughts still roaming the recesses of my mind:
• Passive aggression causes active destruction.
• When someone wants to "agree to disagree," they want permission to stop listening.
• When someone wants to "agree to disagree," communication ends.
• Communication fuels engaged interaction.
• Without communication, there is no interaction.
• Adults bully other adults in official looking ways.
• False accusations can fuel fears - of the one falsely accused and the coward who committed the misconduct.
• Finally: Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. (Lord Acton, 1887) This is true.
I am also left with thoughts of those who reached out to me today - friends capable of seeing vulnerability beneath veneer. Friends equipped to take what I call honesty and reflect it back as a mirror of myself. They see me; they help me see.
God, I am grateful for them. Please allow them to understand – to see – how grateful I am.
Where there is injustice, I will seek justice for those wronged.
Where there is abuse of power, I will seek to return power to those made powerless.
Where there is misunderstanding, I will seek to understand and to be understood.
I think it is simply who I am; therefore, it is who I have to be.