Sunday, January 17, 2010

Tomorrow, I Begin

I've started to think of tomorrow as the first day of the next leg of my ongoing journey toward self-actualization. You see, I'm starting a course of studies that should lead to a master's degree as a professional educator. I only say "should" to incubate myself should plans go awry. (See, the word "should" again.) That strategy won't work, of course. Still, saying "should" seems to frame my thoughts better than if I'm claiming a foregone conclusion.

Make no mistake. I intend for the course of study I'm embarking on to lead to a master's degree, yet I'm not fully sure what the degree itself will lead to. I hope it leads to a greater understanding of what I'd like to be when I grow up and then the fulfillment of that discovery. It's my seemingly endless search for the answer to: "Who am I now?"

I also hope I continue to find time to blog/vlog in the coming months. Part of who I am seems to be a compulsive sharer of thoughts about everyday life – a life that's lived in a constant struggle for balance, just like everyone else. I was reminded of that on Friday when I was the guest speaker in a college wellness class. My charge was to share what it's like for a family's life to be shaped by the demands of a person with special needs. To make my contributions as relevant as possible, I shaped my discussion using the same seven components of wellness that the students learn about in their academic degree program: intellectual, emotional, spiritual, social, occupational, physical, environmental.

You'll have to watch the vlog to see what question made me cry in class. (Don't worry, I'd warned them it could happen. A tear alert is included in the disclaimers I offer at the start of any speaking engagement.)

The experience reminded me of how challenging (but necessary!) it is to live a balanced life and how the challenge will be exponentially harder in my new version of normal. Tonight's vlog is about those conflicting feelings. As I watched it during editing, I sensed my anxiety mingled with excitement - probably a good balance to have as I prepare for what will start tomorrow.

Not my best conclusion to a blog, but I need to quit writing so I can get to bed. I need a good night's sleep to help me find the balance I know I need.

It's after midnight now, anyway. Today has become tomorrow, and so, I begin.

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